Hmmmmm. Been a while. Much new. A Walk to Emmaus on August 14. I think I can see clearly now. The why is really much simpler to understand when you get the me quietened down, abolish the tyranny of self and acknowledge the community of humanity and the link we have to God. It's all about him, and he's ready to share, just let go of 'self' and let the love decide.

RFW continues to live a rollercoaster life. Sinking to the depths with medicines designed to kill the cancer and hopefully not the man. Poisons accumulating and killing off the fun, the joy, the awareness and leaving a helpless befuddled old man. He struggles back every time they give him a breather from the meds or when he is filtered clean of the ammonia. But the good times last days and the lows stretch into weeks and months.

One of the answers,
one of the answered whys,

I know
I now understand I am to be there
to help him accept God's mercy.
I am to offer comfort and understanding
and love and friendship
to a man who is fighting death.
I pray
that I can point him in the right direction
say the right words
give him the hug at just the right time
share tears watching the sun set over the Brazos,
and just be still.
I'll be
what God requires I be
for a man, who fears and dreads the crossing over
for there is so much left to do
and so much left to see
and tears to shed and babies to hold
and weddings to attend
and kisses to share and he is so afraid.
I know
it is okay and it is my job and it is my honor
to walk right up to that portal
and when the time is right
and the moment is there
I will
simply be there as he steps across
and I'll place his hand in the hand
of another who loves him
a bride given in love out of love
forever.

Reading in The Book. Things I've read a dozen times in my life, now come alive, and speak, directly to me. Reading for his Message to me. Not reading for knowledge, or enlightenment, but in an earnest search for his instructions, to me, on what it is that he requires. I've struggled for years with "God's Will," baffled by the audacity of a mere man ( or woman) to say they were doing God's will. How on earth were they supposed to know? Well, duh! Picked the book up and prefaced some of the books with, "Roy, I had you in mind when I had my prophet write this story down," or "Roy, when I had Paul write this letter, I knew that you would need it to understand how to handle the decision you are facing." Now, I'll admit, it seems a little far fetched. Kind of like that "inerrant Word of God" thing. But, I do believe that when, in your loving relationship with Christ you have been given the Holy Spirit to guide you, then God's Word, to you, for you, about you, and supporting you, is revealed, (and therein lies the inerrancy.)

Speaking of The Book, I bought a "Life Application," Large print study bible for RFW. And lo and behold, he is reading it. That is unfortunately the good news (No pun intended, he started with Genesis.) The bad news is he is Full, Overflowing, with questions. So far, I've been a step or two ahead of him, but it is a struggle. He is turning out to be a good "master" for me, in that I have to read and study to be able to help him. (God does have a sense of humor doesn't he.)

My sweet baby girl is married. I gave her hand in marriage only a few weeks ago. Tough, but they seem to be so much in love that it is bearable.

Oh, well..... time to get on to other things.